Think Twice Before Judging Others

By , SparkPeople Blogger
I'm sure we all know what it's like to feel judged by someone else.  Maybe it's because of the way you look, or the way you act, or something you've said.  No matter what the reason, it probably didn't feel very good.  I've always been sensitive.  I remember my mom writing in my baby book that at age two "she has her feelings hurt easily."  It's hard for me to feel criticized or misunderstood, and I tend to take things very personally.
We seem to live in a society where it's normal and accepted to judge people for all sorts of things- their choice of clothing, the food in their grocery carts, how they parent, who their friends are- the list goes on and on.  I'm certainly not saying I'm perfect and have never been guilty of judging others.  But because I'm sensitive to it and because I want to set a good example for my kids, I try my best not to jump to conclusions about others. 
In general, I consider myself to be a private person.  It's not easy for me to share personal details about my life, especially when I'm blogging.  But I feel like my blogs are usually better when I can relate them to my own experiences, so that I'm not just spitting out facts about the latest study or trend.  Every time I'm writing a blog, in the back of my mind I'm constantly thinking about how someone is going to interpret something I've said or what kind of opinion they are going to form about me.  It makes me choose my topics and my words very carefully.  I know other bloggers who can easily let negative or misunderstood comments roll off of their backs.  I am willing to accept that not everyone is going to agree with me, and some people might even think I'm totally nuts.  When someone disagrees with me, I try my best to learn from it and see their point of view.  But I struggle when someone makes assumptions about my life or interprets my words in a way that I never intended.  I know I need to develop thicker skin so that these kinds of comments don't get to me. 
If you're someone who has struggled with their weight, maybe you can relate.  It's so easy to judge a person and say "If they just gave up the junk food and got off the couch, they'd lose weight."  Yet you never know if that person has already lost 100 pounds and is halfway to their weight loss goal.  You never know if they have medical issues that prevent them from exercising, or have been going through problems in their life that make weight loss feel unimportant right now.  Until I am in that other person's shoes, I have no right make those assumptions about someone else's life.  I just wish that everyone would take a moment to stop and think about how their comments, expressions and thoughts can have an affect on another person. 

Okay, rant over.  I'll get off my soapbox now.
What do you think?  Are you guilty of judging others?  Have you been judged before?  How did it make you feel? 

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PATRICIAAK 12/23/2019
:) Report
KHALIA2 10/31/2019
Matt. 7:1 says Judge not that you be not judged! Report
SUSANBEAMON 10/13/2019
Being judgmental is so easy. I have had to work hard on myself to break the habit. I find, when I actively try to not judge others, I am calmer myself. Report
LESSOFMOORE 10/11/2019
Judge not, that ye be not judged.-Matthew 7:1 Report
JAMER123 10/10/2019
Everyone has a critic and tend to hurt others. When a child begins their life with others in schools, bullying is not uncommon. This is something that stay a lifetime with the child. Kindness should win out in every thought and no judgement to be made. If you want to "judge" then let it be someone that you can help through a situation. (eg)You see the one that is not going to make it through a race and falling. You "judge they need help. You stop and walk with them and support them. This is called true kindness. I think most the time when someone is unkind, it's to get a response from you and usually it's negative. Positive and kind is the words of the day, week or year. Report
Great article! People are so quick to judge anything. I admit I have my quick opinion, but it doesn't mean that I'm not open minded not to get to know someone. There is always a story or something to say in every situation. Report
PIKA1319 10/9/2019
we all judge; it's human nature. Don't act like any of y'all haven't. If you look/act/present yourself like trash, you're going to be treated like trash. Report
I try to avoid it because I noticed when I have done it I feel bad for hours later. Report
Yes, I am guilty of this one. Report
I tend to judge other people when they have judged me.
Well said! I certainly relate. I, too, have the tendency to to take everything personally. I occassionally (more often than I would like, find myself judging others). However, as I grow older I realize just as you say you never truly know where another is coming from or has been. I believe my judgements are often the result of my own issues. Report
This reminded me of a quote recently by Joyce Meyer (I think), that was something like, "do you judge others because you don't love others." The point being to focus more on good, loving thoughts, rather than finding fault (applying both to others and ourselves). Report
I've judged so hard to everyone, specially myself. My consultancy project failed, so I felt lost, with no goals and I'm not a very pacient person. Oh God!

This article was writen in the best moment. Thank you. Report
i understand how you feel about the judgment, blogging, and being misunderstood. it is near impossible for people to actually get to know you and understand you just by reading your words and it is easy to be misunderstood. people love to criticize and judge other people. they do it all the time, for better or worse.
i used to be very fat, i spent alot of time crying over the extremely hurtful things people said to me or did to me. i spent so much time worrying about what people would think and how to make others happy... u know what. i'm so much happier now just being myself. just be yourself. your a great person, you have great thoughts. you do great things. f* the rest Report
You stated this so well and I so agree with you! I am somewhat sensitive but over the years have tried to temper that by accepting the fact that I am not perfect and can learn from my mistakes. Report
This is pretty much the reason I don't blog very often. I can't stand the criticism! Report
Wonderful blog. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard someone say that if fat people would just exercise and eat properly they would lose weight. If only it was that simple. The only simple part is to judge someone without knowing the real pain and effort they are making to change their lives. Thank you. Report
I agree completely. My parents drive me crazy because they are INCREDIBLY judgmental and I'm just the opposite. I always try to see the best in people. And it hurts MY feelings when they talk badly about other people's issues that they know nothing about! I've never really thought about it that much before but I guess I'm pretty sensitive too. That might be why I consider myself shy and cautious.

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak up and remove all doubt." Right?

Wrong! I'm so glad you shared this thought! It helps me understand myself better! Report
I agree with the comment above...this blog will give me something to think about next time I start to judge someone. I believe we all can be guilty of making assumptions and I have to admit that I have done it myself on occasion. I will have you words in mind in the future and will try to be a little more kind and less presumptuous. I wouldn't like to have people judge me as harshly as I judge myself that's for sure.
I agree with the comment above...this blog will give me something to think about next time I start to judge someone. I believe we all can be guilty of making assumptions and I have to admit that I have done it myself on occasion. I will have you words in mind in the future and will try to be a little more kind and less presumptuous. I wouldn't like to have people judge me as harshly as I judge myself that's for sure.
Judging others is not just a part of this society, it is such an ingrained aspect of human behavior that it was written about, about 2000 years ago. Frankly, I was very judgmental, and I had not reason to consider working on that issue until it was pointed out to me reading scripture (I am a Hebrew Roots believer, I do not participate in the religious system that most people associate with scripture or "The bible." Since I read that, I have had a few years to work on it! In scripture, Ha'Mashiach (The Messiah) addresses this head on. To paraphrase Him, He says "why do you look at the speck in someone elses eye but dont notice the plank in your own" -and that is a very brief paraphrase from (Mattithyahu/matthew 7:3-5) which adresses our human weakness directly... It is usually the source of our own insecure hypocrisy... Yep, I have had to look at my little frailty also, and I am just glad that I had some guidance on this issue relatively early on, without blaming myself into some total condemnation, because it is just human territory... I can just take responsiblity for my actions, thoughts, and words, and then just move on... I dont have to walk around doing it anymore, I can (and do!) overcome it. Good to see the article posted, not everyone looks for guidence in the same places, so it is a nice helping hand :) Report
Jen, You sound like my kindred spirit! Though I have judged others, include in this "first impressions," I tend to be very optimistic about people and give the benefit of the doubt. I will imagine why they may have responded as they did, or whatever--perhaps even to a fault!
Just as none of us want to be judged, I think it is important to keep that in mind in our interactions with others. Report
I feel like this is the first time that SP has acknowledged that personal blogs based on experience usually become targets for harsh judgements and blind hateful criticism. Happens to me 20 times a day. Used to be because I was fat, now it happens because I blog about being fat Thank you. I thought yall didt care. Report
Well...honestly...I believe judgement is important, we have to use our judgement to weigh out good decisions and bad decisions...we have to use our judgement to judge whether or not a person would be safe to be around. I don't believe in being critical of ones choices and walks in life...but if we did not have the ability to judge certain situations...and yes...people...we would not have the ability to determine if that is someone you should surround yourself with...and if a situation is safe to be in. I use my judgement in many different ways...and I'll keep has kept me safe thus far. We all have the ability in life to make our own choices with our own judgement. Report
Thanks for giving me something to think about the next time I want to judge somebody. Report
Great Blog! I always tell others I will ignore your warts if you will ignore mine. Report
Great blog! I have struggled with several things you mention - so I appreciated your blog!!
1) I have not blogged on this site. 2) I rarely comment on blogs because I don't want my words to hurt or be misinterpreted. 3) I do judge - mostly in my mind and I try to remind myself about my weight loss journey; however, I'm lucky enough not to have needed to lose 100 pounds. It was good to read that you do judge sometimes, but you are aware of it. In my maintenance, I'm trying to work on "positivity" and starting the day out saying nice things and being nice. 4) OOps - just lost some people. BUT, in no way to be critical, but could we look at fixing OCEANS4EVER (I'm totally sure it was unintentional) but it took me forever to get down to leave a comment.
we must be alot alike because I feel the same way. I worry about what people think and also worry about if I have said the wrong thing. I am way to sensitive. It can be tough sometimes. Report
Even though I have a hard time believing how much weight I gained in what seems a short amount of time, I still judge people who look likey they weigh more than me. When I was younger and fitter, I thought I would NEVER let myself get this heavy. I used to think heavy people had no self control over what they ate or how active they were. Now, I am one, and I think that is certainly true for me. I've always been a binger, but I am way less active that I used to be, so those calories stuck with me. I feel like a big ol' hypocrite for judging other heavy people, even though I judge myself much more harshly. In fact, unless I eat the most ideal way possible every day and burn my recommended caloires daily, a prompt upbraiding is in order. I don't want to judge others, or myself, and this blog has given me the considerations to put a stop to both! Thanks for sharing! Report
One of the best ways to overcome it is to educate yourself more & more & more by meeting alot of people & really listening to what they say. Every person's development comes from their childhood. We're all at different levels in life. Patience helps a great deal. When you see someone doing something destructive in their life try to relate it to a time when we did that. I find that helps me alot. Report
I try not to judge others. I don't like to be judged, it bothers me a lot because I want people to like me. I know not everyone I meet will and I need to learn that it is ok if they don't. Report
I try never to judge others on anything. It's not my place though we have to be discerning about people and actions. Actions that are dangerous, safe, some one you want to associate with and the like but NEVER for weight issues. We have so many meds and health issues that pack on the weight and all I can say is, walk a mile in my shoes and see how your mind wraps around my life.

We all need to display love rather than being judge mental. Report
Very well said. Report
All I can say is WOW!! I think you wrote this for me. I have been judged all my life about one thing or another. I know that is part of the reason I have gained some of my weight. No one that hasn't been there can't even begin to know the pain one has in their heart due the judgement of others. Then I can turn around and say, WOW, am I ever glad I found SP!! We all have our emotional baggage and we are all accepted here no matter what it is. Powerful words have been shared here. Report
At one point in my life I was somewhat sensitive, but growing up in a family of 12 siblings, I learned not to wear my emotions on my shoulder and at the same time respect others feelings. This article is touching in that it relates to the words of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. "Do Unto Others As You Will Have Them Do Unto You". Report
You and I are very much alike - If you look - you'll see I don't have many blogs written - I hate when I am mis-understood and try very hard to understand others.
I agree - with all that you said about judging others, I try not to, but too - fall into that trap.
Soap box or not - it needs to be said, read and repeated. Good Blog! Report
thank you for writing this. I am sensitive to others' comments also, and work really hard not to judge. It is so hard not to!!! Report
I try very hard not to judge people. You don't know what anyone is going through in their personal life and don't know if they are struggling with something, or like you mentioned, maybe they've lost a lot of weight already. I feel compassion for people more than I judge them, and I always (in my head) hope for the best for people. I think this kind of thinking may come with age :) Report
While I'm more likely to be judgemental of what people do than of how they look, it's still judging, and still unuseful and unfair. At least, however, I can use those judgments about others' behavior to adjust my own conduct (like, "I would never want to sound like so-and-so just did, so I had better watch my words"). Still and all, best to avoid when possible.

...and then there's the issue of "self"-judgment--self-deprecation, but that's, no doubt, for another day. Report
Great points. Rather than judging others, I strive to smile and acknowledge others I meet throughout the day. Let's lift each other up instead of bringing each other down! Report
I definitely agree with your blog. I try hard not to judge others, though I know I am guilty of it at times, because I have been harshly judged all my life. I don't not get jobs because I don't know the work or because of my personality, but because of my looks. People seem to not be able to understand how much the tongue can hurt others. You cannot always see another's problems, physical or otherwise, and it isn't helping anyone when you judge and criticize. Report
Your words are very true. When I was younger, I was very judgemental but as I have aged (matured) I have realized that I have no right to condemn anyone else for their actions - choices. I keep busy enough just trying to "fix" myself :) Report
Great article! I always try to live by the Golden Rule and do unto others as I would have done unto me. I do stray from it once in a while and then feel bad. Report
I agree with another commenter that I try to leave judgment up to God. Although, I do find myself being judgmental sometimes. I was judged a LOT as I grew up and it is not a pleasant feeling. Report
I really agree with this blog!
I'm very sensitive too and I try very hard not to judge others. I like to say I'll leave the judging up to God!
I do believe I have been judged in the past because of a job. I believe they thought I was to heavy to work in a certain area. Well I didn't stand for that and I took the job and proved them wrong. When the time came for me to leave that job I did, but I would not let anyone judge me that way. It really hurt my feelings, but it also made me so mad. How dare anyone do that to a person.
Great blog! Report
Amen, I agree 100% with this article. I think people like to judge because it makes them incorrectly feel better about themselves. Report
Having been 400 lbs at one point in my life, and having lost and gained large amounts over my adult life, I have been in those shoes. But I still have to bite my tongue from reaching out to try and help someone with a weight issue. I want to HELP, though; not judge. I feel empathy and I feel like I want to share my story. But I know not everyone is open to such communication. So I do make a concerted effort to keep my mouth shut. Report
GREAT advice!!! It's how I try to live and it is encouraging to see all the folks here that feel the same way:) When I was slim... most of my life... I admit to wondering how some folks allowed themselves to get in the shape they were in... unfortunately now I know and I struggle, but at least now I focus on what I'm gonna do about me, and try only to encourage others if they are on the same road. Report
I try real hard not to judge others, I think it's because other people judge me so wrongly, for my weight,and my general outlook on life, I say live and let live, walk a mile in my shoes befoe judging me. Report
It's good to remember not to judge, because who knows what people's backstory is? If you see a morbidly obese person walking down the street, you might think, "How could they let themselves get that way?" but what if they have just succeeded in losing 100 pounds? Then they become heroic. Report